Reflect—don’t dwell—on the breakup.

People in the wake of a breakup are experts at rerouting all conversations toward their ex. Not only is it a way for them to examine, again and again and again, the architecture of their failed relationship, but it’s an attempt to, in whatever way possible, feel close again to the person they are missing. While it’s fine, and even good, to spend some time reflecting on a breakup, be careful not to cross over into the very near territory of wallowing. As Maanvi Singh points out in “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, But Science Can Help” for NPR, research in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that “though calmly reflecting on a breakup may help, dwelling on it doesn’t.” What might this calm reflection look like? The study’s participants who healed from their breakups more quickly were asked to come into a lab regularly to answer questions about their breakup over the course of nine weeks, and this helped them process things better than the group who only completed two basic surveys, one at the beginning and the other at the end of the study.
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