Tuning In *¶
- will help you become a better active listener by clearing your mind of other distractions, developing your compassion and empathy for the other person, thus increasing investment in the interaction and increasing your understanding for the other person.
Before you engage in active listening, tune in to your own feelings.
- Ask yourself: How am I feeling right now? Are there other factors that might be effecting my ability to listen, such as being in a hurry, a fight with a significant other, responsibilities of work or school?
- Try to clear your mind before the interaction. People do this in different ways. Some examples are taking a few deep, relaxing breaths or writing down what is on your mind and consciously letting go of it until a later time, etc.
Tune in to the other person
- Try to remember a time in your life when you were in a similar situation as the person you will be communicating with. What was that situation like? How did you feel when you were in that situation?
- Be aware of the stage of the relationship with the other person. Is this the first meeting or the tenth? What feelings and questions might come up at this stage of the relationship?
Other Notes¶
Recognize the person’s sense of self
Being imprisoned robs a person of their sense of self. They are turned into an “inmate” with a number, with a uniform that is the same as everyone else. The act of imprisoning someone is dehumanizing. Anything we can do to recognize their sense of self may be helpful to them.
Things we can do as visitors:
See the person as more than their situation (i.e. An immigrant who has been jailed and may face deportation). They are also people with friends, family, careers, hobbies, talents, etc.
Let them lead the conversation. While there may be times that you will want to start conversation to ease the awkwardness, also be aware of letting the person lead the conversation. In jail they have very little control over their lives, letting them lead the conversation gives back some control, even though a minute amount, it may feel empowering.
Don’t assume they will want to talk about their legal situation.
They may want to talk about their arrest, their experiences in jail, their legal circumstances but be aware that they probably spend a lot of time thinking about these things already. The person may find it refreshing to talk about other things, such as normal day to day things. (Also, if their legal situation comes up, keep in mind that conversations are likely taped.)
*From The Skills of Helping by Lawrence Shulman
