What kind of anarchist are YOU?
(a humorous self-critique of anarchist ideological differences)
For results, see the bottom:
1. At a conference, you huddle together, and learn that you will be housed together before the big G8 protest. You introduce yourself and where you are from:
a) I’m Twig Elder, from Eugene.
b) I’m Tomas Amongus, from Berkeley.
c) I’m Jermaine, from Baltimore.
d) I’m Serena, from Philly.
e) I travel a lot, dude. I don’t have a home.
f) Enough of these introductions, we must attack, attack!!
g) I’m Jen, from a small town, but I want to move to SF next semester!
2. You pile into the car, and suddenly there is an argument about what to listen to. You choose:
a) I listen only to the sounds of the forest! Feral sounds of wild nature help me to re-wild!
b) Any band that is not leftist. Got any Rage?
c) Emcee Lynx!
d) Utah Phillips!
e) Punk fucking rawk!!!
f) Enough of listening to music, it’s time to attack! Attack!
g) Ummm… Crass and Dead Prez are good.
3. While driving, you realize that you all are hungry. What do you want to eat?
a) Look, there’s a great piece of road kill right there!
b) Anywhere that’s not lefty.
c) Somewhere with strong ties to a working class community.
d) A worker owned co-op place.
e) Know any good dumpsters?
f) There’s no time for eating! Capital will not disappear! We must attack!
g) Anywhere with vegetarian food… sigh… I really want to be vegan. Wait, does this town have a Food Not Bombs?
4. After eating, you decide to check out the local infoshop, what zine/newspaper do you go for?
a) Green Anarchy!
b) Anarchy: AJODA
c) Northeastern Anarchist
d) Industrial Worker
e) Profane Existence… but then you start to wonder if the info shop has a dumpster…
f) There’s not time to read zines, we must… Oh wait is that a new Killing King Abacus?
g) You can’t decide if you want Earth First! Journal or Adbusters. You end up re-reading “Fighting for Our Lives”, and the new Slingshot.
5. That night, while tabling with a local group, and someone comes up to you and asks you what anarchism is. You tell them:
a) Back to our feral beginnings of wild feral freedom. Without the industrial techno-rapist machine to destroy our world and remove us from the natural life that we need to live!
b) We’re not leftists. We want a world where desire is armed, and people can radically interact with each other in maximum mutual aid and free association, without states and hierarchal systems of control, ideology, and domination.
c) Communities brought together through anti-hierarchal councils, federations, and workplaces. Where society is run under the principle of “from each according to ability, from each according to need”.
d) What he said, but with more unions.
e) Dude, I don’t know. I just want to live my life, and be free, and… hey do you know of any good dumpsters?
f) We want a radical world without division of labor, and with total control by people and communities. But the state and capital will not disappear! We need to attack, attack!
g) A society without hierarchy and the state, and without capitalism. Where there is direct democracy and self-management.
6. The next morning you head out to a “Really Really Free Market”. The organizers have asked that each of you bring a workshop. You bring:
a) An eatable plant workshop. You also show everyone how to make a structure from bark, and how to skin a dead dog. The vegans in the group hate you.
b) You give a discussion on how the left has failed the anarchist movement, and also on over coming ideology, as a hindrance to revolt.
c) You give a workshop on how to form a Tenant union.
d) You give a workshop on how to unionize on the job, and why the AFL sucks.
e) You think about it for about an hour, then decide to give a workshop on how to sew patches.
f) Black Bloc basics 101.
g) You give a talk about starting a Food Not Bombs.
7. At the RRFM, a IWW member approaches you and asks if you want to join the IWW. You tell him:
a) Idiot! We need wild resistance, not integration with the oppressors!
b) You are so leftist.
c) You begin to talk about unions pro and con for about an hour…
d) Fellow worker! You show him your card.
e) Dude, I read a pamphlet on that, oh wait, … that was how to make your own beer.
f) You don’t need to organize the workers, we need to revolt with them. Attack!
g) Oh, I heard about that! There’s this book that AK Press sells…
8. Later that day, you learn that John Zerzan is speaking in the area. When asked if you are going, you say:
a) He is not my leader! He just has great things to say, and I agree with a lot of it.
b) I don’t know, he’s gotten PRETTY leftist…
c) FUCK NO!
d) Who’s John Zerzan?
e) Where there be any dumpsters there?
f) We don’t need to listen to a speaker, we need to attack, attack!
g) Oh, I heard about him. There’s this book that AK Press sells…
9. You decide you should all go see JZ talk, and on the way out of the hall, you are approached by the media. You learn that the ELF has just burned down a McDonalds, and you are asked for comment. You say:
a) Another blow has been struck against the earth raping techno monsters!
b) Can’t we pick targets besides McDonalds, that’s SO leftist.
c) I support the action. McDonalds destroys community autonomy and the environment.
d) I support the action. McDonalds is notoriously anti-union.
e) Fuck yeah! I hate McDonalds. They have no good dumpsters. There’s this DOOM song that goes…
f) A blow has been struck! Attack now!
g) Violence against property is not violence.
10. While waiting for the G8 protest to start, and Revolutionary Communist Party member tries to talk to you and sell you a paper. You say:
a) Another pawn for the industrial techno-workerist death monster. Alienator of wild nature, die!
b) Leftist!
c) Three words: “Read the Platform!”
d) I remember Spain! Bastard!
e) Don’t answer, and don’t really want to read anything. But busy yourself by wondering if you can steal a newspaper…
f) Don’t say anything, begin attacking them.
g) Tell them to go to infoshop.org/faq
11. After the protest, you learn that a Starbucks window has been smashed. Your thoughts:
a) I hope this ends up in the Green Anarchy news section!
b) PD is so leftist now.
c) An awesome proletarian uprising and show of force! Makhno would be proud.
d) That’s for shitting on Starbucks IWW NYC!
e) What happened? I was in the dumpster.
f) A blow has been struck! Attack!
g) That reminds me of this book at AK Press…
12. It’s time to leave. Your closing thoughts to the group:
a) For the destruction of civilization, and a re-connection to life!
b) Arm your desires!
c) For each according to ability, from each according to need!
d) Fellow workers, unite!
e) Um… Catharsis rocks!
f) Attack!
g) Anarchy!
Your score:
Mostly … a) Anarcho-Primitivist
Mostly … b) Post-Left
Mostly … c) Anarcho-Communist
Mostly … d) Anarcho-Syndicalist
Mostly … e) Crimethinc
Mostly … f) Insurrectionary Anarchist
Mostly … g) Generic Anarchist
